I’m starting a new segment called Lets Pretend, where we explore the possibilities out there with our imagination. Today we start with:
Lets Pretend: Gays Are Ewoks
To today I need you to imagine a world very much like our own today.
Gays ranging anywhere from normal to pretty far out there. Never the less gays have always been like the kindhearted Ewoks we love in Return of the Jedi. A peace loving people who have strange customs but are never the less very fun to watch and be around. Now if you’ve seen Return of the Jedi I probably don’t need to remind you that the ewoks, though adorable and cute, were cut throat vicious when it came taking down the Empire. One could even go so far as to say that without the Ewoks that Rebel Alliance wouldn’t have had a shot in hell taking down the mighty empire. Hopefully you can see where this analogy is going.
Let’s pretend that the Empire is the US government and it’s people who are loyal to it. The Ewoks…I mean gays live in relative peace keeping mostly to themselves when they aren’t out all night having crazy Yub Nub parties. Now lets pretend that the Empire building a base on the Ewok’s home turf of Endor is Proposition 8 that is coming this next November. And what do you have now? Presumably midgets and children actors running around in bear suits going around causing as much mayhem until blood fills the streets.
In other words I think that if the ballot doesn’t pass, being November and the time of Thanksgiving, America should come together and give thanks the gays aren’t vindictive. Okay maybe they are a little, but they aren’t blood thirsty. Take the middle east. Just about everyone is willing to blow themselves up for some cause or another. Okay not really everyone, I just equated gays to ewoks so just roll with it and don’t get your panties in a jumble. Anyway, what if the gays of America had this same sort of fanaticism. What if at straight weddings a hardcore butch lesbian runs the ceremony giving the Xena yell,
Ye ye ye ye ye ye!
you know what I’m talking about. Then they pull a pin and everything blows up. As the dust settles mounds of unmoving bodies are strewn across the floor. The wedding cake lays in shambles. The bride’s dress is anything but white and a soft purple haze of glitter slowly falls to the ground like snow. That’s right the gays put confetti packs with their bombs!
give me justice or give me death!
What if instead of the warm spirited and giving Ellen show, we got video cassettes sent to us from Sweden of Ellen making demands or she’d blow up the mother %!($& constitution. What a sad and dark world it would be.
I’m not trying to scare anyone. Really I’m just having fun and proving a point. The gay haters out there have it pretty good. You can sleep safe at night knowing you’ve stopped the Ewoks for now. But don’t get too comfortable. The Roman Empire got too comfortable…gone. The French Aristocrats got too comfortable…no head. The Galactic Empire got too comfortable…Death Star blown up…twice!
So sleep while you can because they’re out there. Waiting, primping, preparing. Just know, you slap a bitch, uz gonna get a bitch slap back!
the seas will run red with the blood of our enemies!!!
